Hello Taiwan

Our gate for our connector flight in Taipei is decorated entirely with hello kitty and connected to a sanrio with amazing things. its even playing music to match the rainbows and pink decor. Neat.
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It would be funny if my body started rejecting my eyelashes and I ended up like Tobias on Arrested Development.

Bye Thailand.
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Monitor Lizard

Holy crap I just saw one near alyssas aunts house. What the heck?

Omg I just saw another one! They are hugeeeee! I wish I could take a picture but we have to go to the airport.
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Clubs in thailand are really really loud and have really really bad cover bands. But apparantly their tequila is pretty cheap.

We finally met someone from LA. Took us a month, but we did it. when we saw hp6 we met our first americans too from maryland (bleh).

Our last dinner in thailand was delicious. More snails, raw shrimp, curry crab, tom yum coong, oysters, and more. I will miss seafood. And ridiculously cheap food in general.

Ugh we leave in the morning. Back to reality.

Its starting to feel like we live here. Especially staying in an empty house, making it seem like its ours. I could never get used to a personal driver though. It feels too much like indentured servitude.
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Money

I can't believe I will be going back to america and spending 4 to 5 times as much money on anything and everything. Especially movies. Our tickets were so cheap. And when I get back I need to see public enemies, the proposal, sherlock holmes, 500 days of summer, not to mention hp6 again.

Oh I just got my second massage of the day. 5 dollar massages, coconut juice, watermelon shakes, cheap everything, and delicious food will be most missed.
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Yesss

I got he's just not that into you illegally!!!!! Woooo!!!

Harry potter 6 is available as well... Hmm...
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Shark Fin

Shark fin soup is big in Asia. I finally tried it last night. Its ok. The fin itself is so strange. The texture is kinda chewy like jellyfish but like, noodley too. And mushroomy. We also had more jellyfish last night, speaking of which. It was reeeallly good with sesame sauce. And we also had basically a fried rice minus the rice plus the fish stomach. It tasted just like fried rice-- with a hint of sea salt and stomach.
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The Chosen One

I can't stop thinking about stupid harry potter. Now that I've had time to go over it, I've realized a few things that were missing that I wouldve liled to see but it still doesn't compare to all the other ones especially how they felt so disconnected and then forced together. I love how they don't stop to tell you who grayback is or fill you in on other backgrounds of characters, even names. They didn't waste anytime yayy. And I'm seeing it again sunday. Yayaax2

Anyway-- other than seeing the movie yesterday involved another shopping marathon, eye lash extensions, and a tasty asian fusion lunch at greyhound cafe. We also got peking duck again for dinner. This time I could actually eat it and enjoy it although it wasn't as good as in taiwan.

The trip is winding down, just buying last minute gifts and eating last minute food. I'm really tired and would love a day to sleep. Unfortunately my job starts monday so that won't really happen. I'm slightly (really) concerned about how jet lag will affect me come monday. Oh well. If I get fired I can always move to southeast asia and train tigers.


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Extensions

We were bored. We elongated our eye lashes artificially.

We are so lame but now the boys won't be able to resist.

Especially Ron Weasley.
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Holy Mother of God

Its hard describe what I'm feeling right now. Everything about the sixth movie was lightyears better than any of the previous ones. I am like still shaking from how incredible it was. I can't believe how long I have to wait for the next two.

Ok time for lunch.
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Pillow Talk

Alyssa is talking in her sleep right now. Its really freaking me out. When people talk in their sleep, I just think they are posessed by a ghost or demon. Needless to say, I can't sleep.
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Big Girl

Today that 6am wakeup call sucked. Alyssa uncle picked us up and took us to breakfast that involved pretty much every part of the pig cooked differently with some rice. I thought I ate the heart but I'm not sure anymore I was pretty out of it. We went to her aunts house and slept for hours and reawoke to rumbling tummies. After waiting over 2 hrs for her other aunt to pick us up (ALWAYS so late) it was now after 3 so she took us to a place nearby for sukiyaki. It was kinda like shabu shabu and she ordered a ton of things to put in including veggies, fish balls, fish roe dumplings, shrimp dumplings, jellyfish, and oysters. Then several side dishes like delicious bbq duck and bbq pork steamed buns. Oo also dry green bum mi. They just added the color for fun.

In the city we stopped at lumpinee muay thai stadium to find shorts for a friend. Every pair is so freaking ugly I don't know how anyone in their right mind can fight in those and take it seriously. Pink with green sequins? Come on.

We then went to kho san road and all I will say is that I spent some time in a tattoo shop for the first time. Interesting experience.

Dinner was on the street after a failed search for more rotee. (So addicting I swear). I wish LA had more street food, even the few things we have are constantly pestered by police. Its so sad we can't just walk around downtown and find delicious cheap food of all different sorts and just sit outside and eat. Sad.

After dinner we went to her other aunts restaurant (she has like 3 different aunts, auntie tan, naneena, and naneenee). This restaurant has little rooms to eat in and... KARAOKE. Just alyssa and I karaoked... Ta did too but only to strange thai songs by dangerous tata and kamikaze. It was enjoyable and even more food was ordered (people never stop eating).

Only two days left-- then back to the real world.

PS Maryann: or off my blackberry, stupid!
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An Engagement

I also decided that the only way I want to be proposed to (in 10+ years, don't worry) is at Maya Bay at sunset or while petting the tiger and the tiger presents the ring to me in his paw. Other than that, the answer will be no.
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Chow Wow

The dogs at the guesthouse are so ridiculous. Chow Wow the pomeranian demon rat always has her tongue sticking out and likes to make you think you can pet her. I was petting Ping Pong the yorky and Chow Wow came up wanting some attention. The second I go to pet her back she snarls and tried to bite me with her rat mouth and baby teeth. Bastard.

We had to take a car to Tiger Kingdom at 10am but we also had to eat breakfast. We went across the street to the Same Same guesthouse and I had spanish omelette. It actually tasted pretty authentic and delicious. It was the first time this whole trip I had something non-asian. I wanted thai but everything would take too long so eggs had to suffice. By the time we were done we had just missed our ride. That's when the owner of the guesthouse decided to drive us out to the park. We were really confused at first because he was just leading us to his truck and who knows where he was taking us or who he was selling us to. We were only a few hours from the Laos border... Anyway, he told us how he has a dog farm and breeds pomeranians and retrievers and st. Bernards. I really wanted to go play with all the puppies, but tiger trumps puppy.

So yeahhh you pay to play with either small medium or large tigers. We got the package deal for either lion or tiger cubs and large tiger. We went with tiger cubs because the lion cubs were a little older and a bit more rambuncious. Alyssa was terrified. I felt completely fine... I think I was underestimating them but I don't care nothing happened. I mean, why would they have this place if the tigers were going to attack someone? So I played with Paula and Mikey, two full grown tigers. You have to approach them from the back and pet their backs and tummies. One time I went to pet Mikey and he kind of looked up real fast in my direction and I'm like, I'm dead. But he was just turning over so I could rub his stomach. Jesus I was in heaven. I couldve stayed there all day but of course there's a time limit. And there weren't many people there either so it was very personal and we even stayed in the cage a bit longer.

Then it was time to play with the cubs. They were 3 months old and the size of small dogs. I just kept thinking about Pacha at 3 months and how I could hold him in one hand. Their paws were soooooo cute and the noises they made oh my god. Alyssa tried to bottle feed one but it was a bit too strong for her. We snuggled them and pet them and were sooooo happy. Snuggling the big tiger was a bit more exciting but the babies I just wanted to watch all day. One was playing with a leaf in the wind. It was so cute. The two brothers also started rolling around on each other and rubbing up against each other. I want them to be mine.

So that ended and my life was left with out a purpose. I just wanna pet tigers again. We went to some place for chicken over rice which was delicious of course, had some coconut shakes, then made our way to the train station. We had first class seats this time (not a huge difference). We had a little room with a resident beetle bug living inside. God train toilets are so unbelievably disgusting. Anyway-- we bought magazines and sudoku and cards to pass the time. Last time we got pretty bored. The crew members were so freaking annoying. They would seriously knock once and walk into our room with out any hesitation. And they were so loud and obnoxious when they woke us up at 6am this morning. They just didn't have respect for anyone and I wanted to hurt them. Plus they messed up our dinner order. Geh.

That's all for now -- I'm really upset harry potter comes out the 16TH and has no midnight screenings in stupid Bangkok. This is the dark knight all over again. Ugh whatever-- I played with tigers.
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Best Thing Ever

I just snuggled this.
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T.K.

We are staying at T.K. Guesthouse. Right now, T.K. Is driving us personally in his truck to Tiger Kingdom, 30 min outside the city. We missed our ride because of breakfast. He probably wouldn't do this if Alyssa wasn't Thai. This is so funny.
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Farang

Why do all tourists have to dress so awful?! They all have to buy poofy colorful pants, long skirts made out of cardboard basically, and they all have to wear their hair long and dirty. All hostels have showers. I've been travelling with a smaller backpack than they all carry and I can still use all my regular toiletries and look somewhat presentable (although my hair is consistently frizzy here and my makeup gets washed away with sweat and rain). Its like they all want to look like hippies yet none of them are. Maybe 3 percent.

They also wear fred flintstone sandals. WTF. Who does that?!?!
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Introducing Marybelle and Heidi

Meeting all of these strange creatures on our journey, we have of course adopted new identities. I am Canadian, Heidi is from Hawaii. She is half Korean (Heidi Park).

In the middle of the night on the train (I took a sleeping pill and slept through this all), a young guy hanging out near our area apparently started roaming the hall saying that he needed an ambulance, that he was dying and had a fever. Alyssa thought someone was asking for tickets so she started getting out our tickets. The train dropped this guy off at the next little village to see a doctor. That would be freaking scary. In the morning the guy sitting next to him wantedt o go to the hiospital to get checked out just in case. It was obviously food poisoning because he was fine 4 hours earlier. Some other girls were like H1N1!!!! OMFG. I am so sick of that stupid flu. It is JUST a flu. I probably had it and didn't even know.

We arrived at our guesthouse in Chiang Mai and it is definitely the least flattering of our shelters on this trip. It is, however, 7 dollars a night... so how can one complain? We immediately tried to book a jungle trek and found out we were too late for the half day and tomorrow our train leaves before the half day trek is over. So Alyssa was like, What about ZIPLINING!?!? Even though I had JUST explained to her my terrible fear of heights and how in 7th grade at the ropes course field trip I freaked out and got stuck in the middle of one of the climby things in the maybe 15 foot trees. We would now be zipping through trees hundreds of feet high. So we made a deal, today we would do the ziplining and tomorrow morning we would go to the Tiger Kingdom and literally play with tiger kittens. Marie must hate me so much right now. Hehehehehehehe.

The trip planner man pointed us to a literal hole in the wall for lunch that specializes in pad kra pow, our favorite. If the place was in LA, people would burn it to the ground, cover it in bleach, and declare it a nuclear wasteland. But hey, the food was fabulous so whatever. I don't care about ants crawling on my table, and some guy off the street serving me my coke.

Then it was time for the ziplining. We took a car 45 minutes into the jungle outside of Chiang Mai. We were, as you may know, stuck in the car, and the subsequent trip, with two guys from Israel who were loud, crude, and every other bad quality most guys have. (Not all, most). They did teach us some fun words... and we unfortunately had a look at some rated R pictures on their cameras-- but we made it to the location with our sanity in tact. As well as our heads--- the roads were so narrow and windy and we were in a big van-- I think the car trip was scarier than the actual zip lining.

The zipline crew decked us out in our gear and we hiked to the first platform. Thank god they start out short. And not so high. My knees were shaking so much. And the guys in charge were really fun but in that older brother, I'm-going-to-tease-you-non-stop sort of way. That meant every sky bridge we walked across would be shaking due to the crewjumping up and down and pushing it from side to side. And when they would zip line, they would seriouisly look like monkeys... hanging all difefrent ways, mostly upside down. I only went on my stomach once... that was enough. We all extended our journey to Zone B, instead of just Zone A. Zone B included the longest zipline in Thailand which goes from one mountain to another. I wasn't exactly thrilled about this extension, but I really felt like I owed it to Alyssa for being so sick and lame in Taiwan. Zip lining was fine but walking up and down the really sketchy stairs and bridges really freaked me out. My fear is literally immobilizing and no one understood. But I made it, and even zip lined in the pouring rain. I also got bit by a GIANT ant. The ants are freakishly large in that jungle. Ehhhh.

After the three or four hours we had a dinner in the village nearby and said goodbye to our lovely hosts. We also said goodbye to the leader of the village who sat there watching us eat and swatting flies with his weird broom thing. I also realized today wast he first day on the trip that I wore socks. It felt wrong. Then anotehr death defying trip on teh narrow dirt roads in and out of mountains and we were back at our guesthouse, greeted by the owners evil dogs: a yorky and a pomeranian. The pom almost bit off Alyssa's hand. Little devil. Showering never felt better. Even our uncomfortable bed was heavenly. We then decided to go check out the night market so I could finally buy my mom's stupid silver bracelet that she probably won't even like even though it's really cute and both Alyssa AND I like it AND it was expensive. !!!!

We got rotee again, of course. I tried it with bananas this time. SO GOOD. Alyssas uncle wants to invest in a rotee place owned by Alyssa in LA. Its a go. Just wait... it will seriously be the next Kogi or Sprinkles. SO freaking GOOD. We wandered around buying little things here and there--- nothing too special at this market. We did get to try some fried cocoons. Another weird thing to add to my list. I bought a package of them so I could eat some in front of my parents on Skype. They enjoyed it. They love me.

Gotta wake up and play with tiger kittens! Bye.

Jungle Temple

Getting Kaity her Thai jewels.
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Tel Aviv

We are in a car on our way to the jungle with two Israeli guys who are trying to teach us their language. 40 more minutes to go.... I already know hi, bye, and what the f***. Great to know.

Update: they are know showing our driver pictures of them hooking up with girls at bars.

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Underscore

I am so addicted to Kelly Clarkson's new stuff right now. Its the theme music to this trip. Along with Madonna's new song. And Akon. Alyssa understands.

Last year was Pocahauntas. I believe this is an upgrade.

Right?
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Midnight Train to Chiang Mai

Well we are currently en route to Chiang Mai via the 14 hour night train. It was fun for the first hour. Then we got bored. This is why I'm blogging. Alyssa is getting antsy and her ADD is kicking in fast so I have to be quick to keep her from imploding.

Today we went go karting and jet skiing in Pattaya. I had never been jet skiing before so that was fun. Go carting involved us having to wear giant helmets and giant jackets for some strange reason. On the beach we snacked on those tiny crabs I posted a pic of earlier. I had seen them on Bizarre Foods (I hate zimmern) so I was excited when they tasted really really good. If they sol bags of them I would eat them everyday.

We checked out and stopped for lunch atv another seafood place. We ate more crab roe (her aunt really likes it), steamed sea bass, raw crab papaya salad, raw shrimp with chili and lime (my favorite), sea snails, fish egg soup, and more of that really good fried rice. Seriously the food is just so good on this trip. No matter where we go whether it looks like we will catch the plague or its nicer than most LA places, everything is great.

An hour and a half later we were back in Bangkok being dropped off at the train station. Aunt Tan wanted us to eat before we left so even though we just had a feast, we got noodles and satay in Chinatown on the street. I got my second coconut juice for the day (I can't get enough of it).

We were sooo full but we went across the street to a small restaurant specializing in bird's nest soup. Yeah, they take actual birds nests made of bird saliva and cook it into a thick, slimey soup. We ordered two and they cost about 30 bucks and those were the cheap ones. People spend up to 30,000 dollars on these nests... Its insane. It actually tasted ok when honey was added. Its just a textural thing and a mental thing-- I mean, you're slurping on bird spit. Sweet bird spit.

Now we are on the train. Alyssa keeps looking down at me from her top bunk angry that I'm not giving her attention. So I must go.
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Bite-Size Crabs

Yummy.
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Ting Tong

Since I'm behind I'm going to combine two days and leave a lot out. We won't have access to a computer until monday so my carpal tunnel will have to stick around.

Our last day on Phi Phi was short but nice. More lounging by the beach, one final order of coconut ice cream, more making fun of tourists that order club sandwiches and chicken tenders, and of course roti. Seriously, I've encountered a plethora of food items that would be a rage in LA, but this one is definitely at the top of the list. We had it four days straight. Its a Muslim dessert kind of like very thin fried bread with condensed milk and sugar. Alyssa had described it before and I was thinking I wouldn't enjoy it. But its probably one of my favorite desserts/snacks and I don't like sweet things. Its almost like a bizarro funnel cake, flat and crispy.

The ferry ride back we got seats outside and had a good long nap. Oh before I forget... Russians in mui ne, swedes in phuket, australians/new zealanders on koh phi phi. Everyone everywhere was from there. And the island caters to them and the locals have aussie accents. Its like certain cultures attack certain areas. Back to the ferry... We woke up and discovered that the Austrian from the night before was sitting behind us! We pretended not to see him and were really freaked out. Basically he must have lied about everything and he was just creepy. He was walking around near us like he wanted to talk. Then when we got off the boat, of the 300 people, he somehow ended up next to us in line so we let people go ahead of us. Alyssa was about to hit him. Then we saw a 10 year old Chinese boy wearing these really tight boxer brief swim trunk things and it was so awkward and hilarious I wish I had taken a picture. Speedos and fanny packs are everywhere by the way. But this contraption was far worse.

when we flew back to bangkok, alyssas uncle picked us up and took us to get bum mi. It was once again in a location one would never suspect to have such good food. This bum mi was much better than what we had previously. We each had two bowls and the total for all of us was barely 6 dollars. I love thailand.

Speaking of that, the Thai language is pretty easy to remember... Although the few things I know well are I'm hungry, I'm full, where is the restaurant?, buffalo, cat, stupid, crazy (three ways-- all to describe alyssa to people), etc.

I mentioned before that her uncle carries around thousands of dollars wrapped by a rubber band in his pant pocket. He always whips it out and hands alyssa hundreds of dollars to spend. Its insane. And then her other aunt wanted to give her 10000 baht which is 300 dollars so her uncle fronted the money and handed her ten thousand baht bills. So so so BAH (crazy) or you can say ting tong. That's fun.

We had bum mi for breakfast the next morning (yesterday/saturday). We waited awhile for her family to pick us up because they are alwayyyyys late. Like, almost 2 hours late. Then we headed to Pattaya, a beach town outside of Bangkok. The drive was long but its always nice to sleep. Although Ta kept us awake with her new high school musical 3 dvd (mentioned in the previous post, The Beach).

We stopped for lunch outside of Pattaya. The tide was low so the view wasn't stunning, but the food definitely was. We had fried grouper, some sort of giant snail body sliced up, crab roe salad, crab roe plain, two types of mussels, soft shell crab, and really good fried rice. I think that's all... I may have forgotten something. Things just kept coming.

Then we went to feed the monkeys up the street. That was awesome. First, no one would get out of the car but I HAD to. They were everywhere. Like literally falling from the sky. I got out and started passing out rambutans with her uncle. It was insane. They were so hungry and grabbing them out of my hands. Then they started pulling on my legs and shoulders to get more. The shoulder one freaked me out because that meant the monkey was above me. They weren't very big but there was one the locals call Joht. Joht was the fattest monkey I've ever seen. His body was almost similar to a very fat cat. But his balls were the biggest part. Like he had some inflamed testicular disease or something. He was massive and slow moving. I got a great picture of him and video of me feeding him, I wanted to keep him. Oh my god when you see this thing compared to the others you will crack up. I think it was a vision of my future. There was also a mommy carryong a baby I made sure to feed.

We got into Pattaya and first her aunt wanted to check out D2 a new hotel that was ridiculouslu cool. But she didn't like it so we checked into the Hard Rock hotel. I kinda felt like a failure staying at a hard rock hotel. I don't evenb support the food let alone the hotel chain. But whatever the facilities are pretty cool. And I'm sleeping with a gigantic picture of Ricky Martin over my head, who could ask for more?

We swam a bit and then it was time to get ready and go eat. We had a lite dinner at the new mall food court that was nicer than most restaurants. Then it was time for the ladyboy show. We drove of to the Alcazar, the venue for the show. You could hear the music and almost see the sequins from outside the theater. It was definitely something else. Only a few looked like theuy had been men before. Other than that, they were just beautiful Thai girls. I would be called a man before any of them. It was all lip synching traditional Thai songs from around the country, hits from all the big Asian countries as well as America, and a few comedy acts. After the show you can take pictures with some of the performers for a few baht. We obviously did.

Back at the hotel we watched an episode of Cooks Tour with a very young Bourdain. I freaking love the Discovery Travel and Living channel in Asia. It combines everything I love about the Travel channel, Food Network, and even some Bravo. Except samantha brown and janet hsieh are on it and want to hurt them.

Then it was time for the hotels adult foam party. We went down, paid a few dollars, and entered the middle east. Literally, we were two of the maybe 6 girls at the whole party. Its like a massive tour group of 20-something year old middle eastern men with way too much confidence attacked the small foam party. They were everywhere, and when we were in the actual foam (first experience with this, and now I want a giant foam machine), they wouldn't stop trying to touch us. Alyssa actually pushed one really hard I'm surprised he didn't fall down. Then another popped out of the foam in between us and tried to dance rape me. Alyssa cussed him out. She's my protective boyfriend. We kept saying our very strong and big boyfriends over there will beat you up if you keep touching us. The foam was so neat though. I liked standing under the machine and standing in a foam fort. Neat.

Back in the room we watched some Thai Idol with TA and fell asleep.

Now its time to learn to jet ski...
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The Beach

The ice cream at our resort is so good. We are pretty sure its made to order. We feel so young when we get it because they put rainbow sprinkles and whipped cream on it. And again, people just stare.

We rented a kayak in the morning and attempted to cross the bay. The water is just so clear it is insane. We didn't make it across the bay... Kayaking is hard.

We booked a half day snorkeling trip after lunch that goes around the island and to another nearby. we were on the trip with a bunch of young couples on honeymoons or about to be engaged and then this German family. They were scary. I swear, legit Germans scare me. The ones Marie and I met in Europe were just the same. And now the ones here in phuket too. They weren't happy at all. Or at least didn't seem that way. And they were all matching... The mom, dad, and two small twin kids had wet suits on (?), and piles of sunscreen on, then the best part was their hats they were wearing. Each one had kind of like a bungee cord connecting the hat to their shirt ... So they don't get lost? Strange.

We sat on the front of the boat for premium wave action alongside a group of girls from Norway. They were all terrible of course. One, the one who literally looked like she was smelling shit, had picked up some guy who was obviously from south east asia and they were touching each other a lot in front of us. They all had huge boobs that were falling out of their tiny bikini tops and they were only 18. Alyssa thinks the girls were making fun of her in their language. They weren't friendly. And they kept smoking in our faces. We wanted to punch them. We asked the boy where he was from and he said Nowhere... Making him even sketchier than he already seemed.

We stopped at Monkey Beach first just to walk along the tiny beach and try to see monkeys. We saw one. That was neat. Then we headed to Long Beach aka Shark Point. Not a very good beach name if you ask me. But we were told we would see a lot of black tip reef sharks (like the one I saw in Hawaii as a young child and scared me to death). We didn't see any but some others on the boat saw 2 or 3. I'm not sure if I'm upset or relieved.

We went to the other island which was pretty much uninhabitated minus the birds nest farmers that live in the caves and collect the expensive delicacy. I just have to pause for a minute and say I'm in a car with alyssas family and her cousin is watching high school musical 3 and I want to blow my brains out. Back to the blog-- we snorkeled a bit-- saw so many sea cucumbers and a fish bit me. I think he was confused because I'm so white and so is the bread people were feeding them.

We finally reached Maya Bay, where The Beach was shot and the place I needed to see. Because the tide was too low, the boat had to stop on the other side, we had to get out, swim to the rocks, climb a ladder or go thru a little cave, then hike a ways through the jungle to get to the bay. It was awesome and painful. The rocks are so slippery and sharp. And the ladder was like home made with wood and super high and scary so I crawled thru the cave instead. The hike was beautiful I felt like I was in Lost. Then the pathway opened onto the beach. Definitely the prettiest beach I've ever seen. Kua Bay in Hawaii was very similar except this bay has giant mountains covered in jungle trees surrounding it with little inlet cave things to crawl under. So it wins. The water was so so so so so so clear and warm and the sand so soft. I wish all the people there were gone though. Whatever. We sat sooo far out and it was still to our ankles. We just laid in the water for about 10 min then Alyssa was like Uhh why didn't anyone else from our boat come? How stupid! We should get back soon or they may leave with out us! But I was like... Why would they only let us stay here for such a short time? Anyway, we started the hike back thru the island and came across one of the Australian couples from our hotel walking towards Maya. They were like, How did you get here? You know you were supposed to go back to the boat and then we all moved closer to the bay so it wasn't such a long swim! We were like... Oh my god. First off... It was a long swim. Secondly, didn't anyone wonder where we were?! Stupid norway girls! But the couple informed us we had an hour to play at the bay. Hurray!

Everyone from the boat made it to the beach. We were bummed because we only had our underwater camera since we had to swim so our pictures beter come out good! That sketchy unknown guy was out in the water near us so Alyssa and I were determined to find out where he was from. I said Tonga or Burma. I can't remember what Alyssa said but burma was right! He actually seemed like a pretty ok person.. Except he was dating shit face girl.

For dinner we wanted seafood on the beach so the boat guy told us a few places to try. We had fried fish (of which a small bone got stuck in my throat and is still there), clams, and grilled squid. It was all lovely. Especially that fish. The paper thin cheek bone stuck in my esophogus is worth it.

We didn't get to the other side of Thailand for the real full moon party but koh phi phi was supposed to have their own little beach party. Unfortunatelyt for us, it was a buddhist holiday which was why all the nightlife was dead the past few nights. We wandered around and stopped at a few bars that had finally opened. Tiger bar was kinda cool. The DJ just did one scratch and then left to talk to some tourists. The drinks weren't strong at all and probably had like no alcohol in them. They were practically free anyway. Tourists everywhere were sucking down "buckets" of alcohol which was gross. Alyssa gets drunk easily. I on the other hand was just tired fron the long day and wanted to go to bed. On our way to the beach bar, carpe diem, these guys outside a bar called Apache were trying to get us to come inside. No one was in therem when I say everything was dead... Its true. There was like no one out anywhere. The guys had piercings all over there face and had lisps because of it. No thanks.

Carpe Diem was actually really cool. We sat on mats on the beach with little fire pits everywhere. They're big on fire shows on this island so there was a fire jump rope you could do and get a free shot if you didn't catch on fire. We tried the fire limbo at the highest point. The fire was extremely hot. One worker did it all the way to the floor. I don't know how he wasn't on fire. He befriended Alyssa, while this Austrian man tried to talk to me. He claimed he had just arrived and had nowhere to stay and was waiting for someone "to invite" him. Then of course asked if we had our own room, that's when I said its time to leave. I don't know why this happens to me, in NY when kaity and I got fleetweeked a guy did the same thing! Maybe he's part of the Austrian fleet week.

On the way back we played a game where we count cats. In a 5 min walk we counted about 30. I need to stress that there are soooo many cats here! We then proceeded to trip over all the boat ropes tied to the beach and finally reach our hotel. That is all for that day... Ill do yesterday when my hands regain feeling.
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Back to the City

I will miss this and staying in my swim suit for three days. This is much better than Costa Rica.
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Koh Kitty

There are sooo many cats on this island. Beach cats too which is strange to see. Alyssa is pissed because of her allergies but I am more than happy. It makes me miss my little kitties at home.

I'm behind on blogging because the computers don't work at our new hotel and I didn't feel like typing on my phone. But unfortunately I must or I will forget what happened.

First off, our Phuket resort was lovely but we had to leave. Before we checked out, we got to go to Kata Beach because the sun was out. We spent an hour at the almost perfect beach. There were even waves to play in. The water was so so blue. There were also sand crabs but like, real sand crabs. Not those beetle bugs in LA... Little crabs that bury themselves underground when you walk by. They were cute. I wanted to keep one for myself. Or eat it.

We attempted to shower when we got back to our room, but the water smelled and was yellow so we used water bottles to get ready. It was pretty gross. We said goodbye to Nee, goodbye to the guy who can only say Good Morning in English, and took a minibus to the pier. More swedes were in the bus. Of course.

The ferry ride to Koh Phi Phi was interesting. It started pouring just as we were heading out. We had to squeeze into the inside where people were basically sleeping across most of the chairs and not getting up for us. Finally a couple let us sit down and it got really hot and Alyssa wanted to go back outside. The rain had stopped, and the really ugly people started to come out. Not having a group of people with me to make fun of allows me to reflect these skills onto those innocent souls around me. Like the girl who was either a caveman or ron weasley with long hair and bangs. And she kept making the most horrible faces. We just wanted her sunglasses back on. Then there was two guys who looked like bizzarro versions of Sawyer and Desmond. Sawyer kinda had a Dan face when he wore his aviators. It was weird. Dan probably shouldn't grow his hair to his shoulders and dye it reddish brown.

The resort picked us up at the pier by longtail boat. A bunch of us were packed into this terrible-for-the-environment thai boat and then had to get out with our stuff in the water because the tide was too low for the boat to get up to the hotel. That was cool. Some people didn't seem too happy. It was only like knee deep.

The island is beautiful... Crystal clear blue water, jungle trees, monkeys, views of other islands. And our hotel is super cool. We have a bungalow kind of on a hillside overlooking the bay. Although there is (inevitably) a member of the staff that wants to be our best friend. Or Alyssas actually, cause she's Thai. Also, the only thing we could watch on the TV yesterday in English was Unaccompabied Minors. Wow. So so so soooo bad. So bad. Oh my god the dialogue.

After a late lunch, beaching it, swimming in the pool, it was time for another massage. This time, Thai style. That was quite interesting. Alyssa said her woman's hands smelled bad. They were watching a Thai soap opera while massaging us. Quite entertaining. I saw an old woman shrieking with intercuts of a black and white demon face. The masseuse popped more joints than I knew existed. It was scary.

We heard a good restaurant was in town call Papaya. We found it after many wrong turns and questioning every vendor. We got pad se eau, papaya salad, and tom yam coong. We asked the waitress to make it regular spicy, not tourist spicy (because everything has been lacking in spice). Needless to say, we couldn't eat much of the tom yam coong... It was freaking spicy. The waitor came over and told us to Slow down. We are fatties. We always order the most food and eat really fast cause its all so good. People stare at us. Always.

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A Window With A View

Looking out from our bungalow on Koh Phi Phi.
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A Window With A View

Looking out from our bungalow on Koh Phi Phi.
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RRRoti!

We woke up at 5am to fly to Phuket. It was painful, but worth it to get to the Thai Islands. Our flight had a child on it dying from some horible mucous infection. For the first half of the flight, about every 30 seconds, this kid behind us would cough or snort or make some other horrible noise. There must have been literally tons of phlegm in that kid. When the flight was over, he had disappeared. I believe they quarantined him. I would. Alyssa wore her mask during the flight. It was cool landing because the airport is literally on the beach. Ok, kind of scary, but cool once we had landed. Also our plane had a vieo camera where the pilot sat so you could see what the pilot sees. That was weird.

So yeahhhh it rained all day. Poured, actually. Very unfortunate. We are only in Phuket less than a day and we couldn't even go to the beach. Instead we checked into our hotel, which is a really cool place, ate fried fish, yellow curry, and chicken satay across the street, then had a 7 dollar foot massage. By the time all of that was done, the rain had subsided and we were able to swim a bit. There is a really cool bar inside the already cool pool. The hotel is super Thai jungle themed with trees every where, statues of Thai things, waterfalls, etc. The pool is like something youd find at a water park, minus the slide. Crazy jets pop out of nowhere, controlled by the bartender Nee who became our friend. Theres a big waterfall that randomly falls from the trees above, and elephant statues shooting water from their trunks. We drank a lot of tropical drinks like Coconut Lovers out of a coconut of course, Pina Coladas, and Sawasdee Delight. It was happy hour so buy 2 get one free. They weren't strong at all, just delicious.

Nee was really nice and she told us a couple things to do later in the evening, and offered to drop us off at a seafood restaurant down the road. After she got off at 7pm, we met up with her and her friend and they drove us along the coast, just after sunset. The rain had stopped and the sky was clearing so the sunset was really nice. I really felt like I was in Thailand. They dropped us at this place that didn't look that good to Alyssa because she had seen a better one up the road before. So once they left, we left the restaurant so as not to offend them, and tried to find a tuk tuk. Well the tuk tuk wouldnt go up the street for less than 200 baht which is ridiculous. Another guy said ok I take you for 150 baht. We get in the "taxi" and see no meter, just a certificate, which could easily be hand made. Then we ask the guys name and he says No Name. And we are like... uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh okk.... we need to get out. Luckily he was actually quite normal and we were at our location so we got out and got some dinner.

Now dinner was interesting. The food was awesome: mussels with basil, steamed crab, fried fish with lemon sauce. The patrons of the place were not. Mui Ne had all Russians, Phuket has all Swedes. Even our lunch place today was Thai-Swedish. ???? The people in the mini bus today from the airport were Swedish too. Then the people at the hotel are all Swedish.... and then the people sitting around us at the restaurant were all Swedish. What the heck? Oh except for the beef cake Americans who ordered beers and hamburgers for dinner. The two Swedish girls next to us ordered fried rice and chicken tenders. Why the restaurant had those now makes sense to me-- for stupid idiot tourists. They fly so far, spend a lot of money, and eat stupid food. People were staring at us when they saw how much we ordered and how we ate. Especially when I was eating the fried fish head. YUM. I could eat that every single day. I was busy staring at the super scary couple or maybe father/daughter? or mother/daughter? Honestly, I couldn't tell the sex of the older one. Either way, they were two of the ugliest people I have ever seen. The girl had her hair braided and was super thin and tall and covered in those huge freckles and wanted to buy this terrible tapestry from a random man walking around. Then the man or woman with her looked mummified but had been bleached from head to toe first and hung out to dry like a raisin. Honestly, this doesn't even describe them. So freaking creepy.

After dinner we got ROTI. Alyssa has been yelling for roti everywhere we go. It is her favorite thing. We looked every where on Khao San Road for it but they were off that night. Luckily the cart was next door to the restaurant and we got to meet the charming Ma Nah, who made our delicious roti. Ma Nah proceeded to try to make Alyssa his girl friend, and also told us eggs make man strong, like strong every where. Whatever that means.... ew. His friend offered to drive us back to our hotel. It was all very ridiculous. We got a Tuk Tuk and tried to find the street with "night life". The night life was turned off tonight. It is a holiday and everything was closed. After tripping over a few stray dogs (they are everywhere here), we took another tuk tuk back to the hotel, which is where I am now. Our room has its own computer with free internet. Of course I didn't bring my camera usb cable with me. I swear I won't be able to upload anything until I get back. It has been really frustrating. Anyway... our room is really cool. Our bed is GIGANTIC and could probably fit a family of 6. We also have a really pretty mosquito net!!! And a coy pond outside with a nice sitting area.

Bed time, gotta wake up early and go to the BEACH.

: (

Its pouring. We just got to the thai islands. Our pool has a bar in it with cool tropical drinks... but its pouring. This sucks.
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Can Do It!

Yesterday began with breakfast as usual. We had chicken over rice and it was delicious... As usual. It was another day of shopping that my body wasn't prepared for. We started first by stopping at a temple that is also a foot massage school. It also houses that big lounging buddha. Like, really big. Anyway, to get in, I had to pay 50 baht while Alyssa and Ta and Tan got in for free because they are Thai. More segregation was to follow, after having to enter through a different door where a man with disgustingly long fingernails grabbed my ticket from me and almost grazed my skin with his freakishly long nails. Then the Thai people put their shoes in one shelf unit while all the foreigners had to walk down this narrow path thing and put there shoes inside. All very suspicious.

The temple was cool for about 5 minutes then we were hungry so we bounced. It started to rain pretty hard so we went into the big inside market, MBK, and had lunch at the food court. This might sound lame to the ignorant but you haven't seen Asia's food courts. They are overwhelmingly huge. Maybe a hundred different kinds of food you can pick from... And its all pretty high quality. I got papaya salad, red curry, pad kra pow, rice and a fried egg. It was a feast for again just a few dollars. Oh and of course ended with sticky rice and mango.

After lunch we went to the illegel movie stall. I got Death at a Funeral, King of Kong, Definitely Maybe, and for some reason I can't remember my other one. And they didn't have He's Just Not That Into You... That was unfortunate. But I do finalize realize why I actually liked Definitely, Maybe... Its from the producers of Love Actually and Bridget Jones! What do you know... Oh all the movies cost about ten dollars total. I am a bad member of the film industry for supporting such illegal actions.

There were a lot of really awful tshirt places with shirts like "Starfucks Fo Free" with a picture of a penis on it. Her aunt said she bought it and wore it for two weeks and had no idea what it was. She was so embarrassed when she dropped off her kid at her school in that shirt. Also, Alyssa's other boy cousin was wearing a shirt last night that said "Cock, it's the real thing" but made to look like a coke shirt. He is 14. We don't think he knows what it says in English... He doesn't speak it that well. We felt awkward.

We passed by a fish massage salon. People put their hands and feet in a tank with these fish that eat all the dead skin off of you. Its so creepy. I put my hand in and they attacked. We walked away quickly.

So blazers are in again and Alyssa has now bought 3 different colors. I got a black one. Alyssa swears they will be big in america soon. We will just see about that. Ours are cute so whatever. They are like soft material not stiff old people blazers. Oh and one thing popular here that we hope doesn't get popular are the Blythe dolls. They are the demon-like dolls with different clothes, hair, and creepy eyes. You can change thei eye color but mostly they come in RED. Her little cousin has over 30 and said one sleeps next to her and watches her while she sleeps. Eh.

For dinner we went over to Chinatown into this really sketchy alley and had delicious bum mi soup. I got two orders, one with spicy rice noodles and pork stomach and fishballs, and the other regular with vermicelli noodles and the same meat. Pork stomach is actually really flavorful. Tastes like everything the little piggy ate. Alyssa gave me her, she couldn't eat it.

On the way back to her aunts house, for some reason her family started singing the Thai national anthem. Then we sang Americas. Then we sang some patriotic songs from choir and listened to her uncle and cousin sing patriotic Thai songs. That was weird. Thai ones are obviously way better. Also, her uncle who barely speaks english started trying to lecture us on phuket and chiang mai and kept saying "Safety First!" But with his accent more like "Safety Firt!" That's really all we could understand. The night before at dinner we told him to eat all the leftovers because we were full and all he said was "Can do it!!!" With a fist in the air. He's funny. Its funny when people can't speak english.

Her family keeps paying for everything and no matter what we do they say No, no. Its nice but I feel bad too. Her uncle keeps giving her hundreds of dollars to spend too. At breakfast today he was having trouble finding his money and we were like Oh we will pay! And then he found it and he had a hugggggge stack of hundreds wrapped in a rubberband. That shut us up. The house we are staying in is huge too. So many rooms, empty too. Its her aunts second house... They are going to sell it soon. But the bedrooms are all as big as apartments, two kitchens, and gated entry. Its really insane. And scary. We came home last night and usually all the doors are locked but the room next to ours was open and the bathroom inside had its light on. We shut the door and went to bed.
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Ughsagsue

Sooo muchhhh shoppping. My feet are going to explodeeeee. I am so not girly enough for this trip. I just keep thinking about my next meal.
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Shop-a-holic

Marie made my feet numb from all the walking and hiking we did in Europe last year, and now Alyssa has done the same by making me shop 10 hours a day. I have never shopped so much in my life. I have bought plenty of clothes all for under 5 or 10 dollars. Most of the shirts I bought were about 3 dollars. Thailand is good to the shopper.

Breakfast yesterday was a type of porridge with rice and fish sauce, some ginger, chives, and pork balls. I was afraid it would taste like the congee from the plane, but it was actually really good and flavorful. Her aunt Nanina (naw-knee-naw) also got us these things that are kind of like fried bread or doughnuts but taste different, and delicious. I ate like 7 of them. They are like Alyssa's favorite things I believe. You can get them in LA but obviously not as good. Then we had to wait around for a while because her Aunt Tan was really late to pick us up.

We finally arrived at the Chatuchak Market which is the biggest market in Bangkok. Probably the world, it is seriously massive. We met up with her two cousins Nhat and Te. They are 20 and 22, brother and sister, but Alyssa doesn't know them that well so at first it was rather awkward. They only spoke to her aunt but I think we grew on them. The market was seriously gigantic. We spent hours there and Alyssa spent hundreds. Ok, maybe just a hundred dollars, but she bought a lot. Her aunt did quite a bit of shopping as well. Her aunt also taught us that gay guys here call girls Chanis... a type of monkey. They go ewwww chaniiiii. So now we are going to start calling stupid girls chanis.

For lunch we ate at the market and had basically boat noodles. The broth is made with a touch of pork blood of course. It was really good and only about 70 cents. We then continued then continued to shop, stopping by some stands to get drinks and coconut ice cream. The ice cream was home made and served in a coconut shell. It was so freaking good. A lady boy made mine. He/She is a very good ice cream maker. Oh and bargaining is funny. They seriously charge me so much more because I am white and then Alyssa's aunt will go over and get a much cheaper price. She does most of the talking, obviously.

A couple side notes: you aren't supposed to touch people on the head because it is disrespectful. For some reason, I have been touching or almost touching her little cousins head 20 times a day. I have no idea why, this is not a normal practice for me. It just keeps happening. Also, there are so many freaking white guys with little Asian girl friends. It is really gross because the guys are old and disgusting. And the girls like, touch them every where in public. Yuck. And I have been having weird dreams in Thailand, including being involved in a gang and drive by shooting/stabbing while ordering quesadillas, doing yoga with Madonna, feeding a blue whale, and more. The blue whale was actually really scary. Those things are big.

We went to an outlet mall after the market. This place is wholesale so you have to buy quite a few things to get the good price. I didn't buy much here, the clothes were pretty ugly. Ta and her uncle came too. It was pretty uneventful, mostly we were super hungry and ready to eat again. We drove over to Khao San Road, the very very touristy backpacker street, to have dinner in this pretty secret location. There are so many tourists here. I don't understand why they flock here, just to hang out with each other and not meet any regular people from Thailand. So many cheap bars, lots of bad music, tons of carts selling gross looking pad thai and egg rolls for a couple cents, and plenty of cheap crappy clothes, which we bought. This used to be the Siam Square of Bangkok but has since been taken over by hippie travelers. Oh and being the only white one in the group, the people selling things only approach me. I just wanted to say LOOK I AM WITH THESE LOCALS I DON'T WANT YOUR CRAPPY JEWELRY OR BUCKETS OF GROSS ALCOHOL OK??? But they wouldn't understand.

Dinner was amazing. We went to this store called It Happened to be a Closet. Ok, it is hard to explain but imagine a really awesome, colorful store filled with really expensive clothes almost like anthropology except stacks and stacks of clothes. There is also a salon/spa and bakery inside. And to top it off, a delicious restaurant. With only a few seats to choose from around the store, we picked the table inside the kitchen. The decor is like urban outfitters/anthropology. It is just all so cool. And the kitchen is like one you would find in a house. The food is like, Thai-Italian which was surprisingly amazing. Apparently that is very popular here. We had bruschetta and little sausage rolls to start, then came the giant prawns with masago, crab, and a really good salad. We ordered two types of spicy pasta and finally the snowfish, Alyssa's favorite. It was all so so so good.

We went on a hunt to find roti, a crepe-like dessert, but failed. We will get it in Phuket, hopefully. We all took two tuk-tuks to get back to the car. It was fine, nothing special. Cheap, which is why even locals use them. We passed by dozens pof mango-sticky rice carts. Why the hell don't we have those in LA? So simple and so freaking good. My plan is to eat some every day I am here.

I want to learn Thai now. It is awesome.

Potter

I just wanted to remind everyone that I will see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince 14 hours before you all. That is all.
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Jiripat

Some one named Jiripat Siriprabrydhi added Alyssa on Facebook and it has been her mission to figure out who he or she is. All of her Aunts and Uncles and cousins are trying to figure it out because apparently everyone here has nicknames so no one knows if Jiripat is related to them or not. Now we think it might be her cousin Bill. We will get to the bottom of this soon enough... It is just funny when we hear her aunt on the phone speaking in Thai and asking about a Jiripat. Its the mystery of the century apparently. I still think its some guy who added anyone with the same last name because its so unique.
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Oops

Accidentally sent that one before I was done... Stupid Blackberry.

Anyway, where was I... So Siam square. Oh sexuality is very free here because of all the lady boys. We saw quite a few at Siam Square. Very pretty....

I bought a pair of shoes for $3 and a shirt for $6. Good times. Then her aunt took us to Mango Tango, really cute mango store that serves drinks and most importantly, mango and sticky rice. Ours came with two types of mango and it was sooooooooooooo good. We are going to eat mango sticky rice everyday.

The driver picked us up and we went to a little chinese-thai place for dinner with her aunt, cousin, and uncle. The food was of course different, like I expected, but still great. Mmm fried fish, seafood and salted egg, pork belly, delicious tom yum cou, and more. Her aunt is known to order a feast everytime. Her uncle reminds me of my grandpa so much. He just laughs at everything, has a similar body type, squinty eyes (not just cuz he is THAI), and similar personality. Oh and I forgot I saw a Vietnamese version of Dennis... Like spot on. Alyssa and I were cracking up. He was even wearing a plaid tan shirt just like Dennis'.

After dinner we were driven to her other aunts house where we will stay. They all live in a gated community outside Bangkok. Big houses, maids galore. My hand hurts I can't type anymore.
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Dangerous Ta Ta

We arrived in Thailand after a bittersweet goodbye to Vietnam and our friends at the hotel and a very bumpy plane ride. Alyssas aunt and cousin Ta picked us up from the airport. Her uncle was flying in from Malaysia so we had lunch there and waited. Her cousin is 11 and pretty much a mini version of Alyssa. Simply put, she is insane. Hilarious, but insane. The faces she makes, the things she says, so funny. She speaks English better than Thai practically because she goes to international school. When we ask her how to say things in Thai, she usually says, Mummmmmyyyy and asks her what the word is.

Her Auntie Tan speaks English well and is super into "popular" things. Alyssa said she went to California Roll and Sushi just because she saw a picture of Britney Spears eating there in a magazine. She is really nice and keeps buying us stuff. Oh and she has a driver so we were driven around all day yesterday. Its kind of awkward, especially when you go eat and he sits in the car.

Ta had to get an xray at the hospital because she has a broken arm so alyssa, tan and I went to Siam square, the shopping area for the young and hip I guess. The fashion here is like a billion times better than vietnam and taiwan. I am much more motivated to actually spend money. I haven't really bought anything yet and have been waiting for Thailand.
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Teeny Boppin'

When we were walking from our room to breakfast in the morning at our resort in Mui Ne, we noticed all of the statues around the grounds had been moved into compromising positions. At first we only saw two performing crude acts on each other and thought the wind had knocked them over in the perfect position. But then we noticed all of the others... men, women, children. We think it was the Russians.

Checking out was interesting. We sat and waited for the woman to complete the paperwork then she slowly came over and said, My boss, Mr. Fu, wants to invite you to stay for free. Hmm... so now we know who the boss of this organization is.. a Mr. F. Anyway, we acted like we were surprised it was all free because it was so very awkward. Then we were off on the 5 hour drive back to Saigon.

When we checked back into our hotel in Saigon, the staff was so happy. They missed us dearly. Especially Pho. We pronounce it like the soup to mess with him, but it is more like fo. Whatever. He saw us getting out of the taxi and we heard this like, high pitched scream of joy, and it was just Pho, happy to see us.

We took a taxi over to lunch and were completely ripped off. He charged us almost 4 times what we usually paid and when we tried to tell him he was wrong he just started screaming in Vietnamese and almost crying. What is with these people and crying? Anyway, lunch was quite the experience. First we walked into the wrong place and had Tuan over the phone figure out if we were wrong or not. Then we took another taxi around the corner to the real location. (SOMEONE gave us bad directions!) Tuan ordered our food over the phone. It was awkward. EVeryone stared at us of course. So this place has a lot of fish and shrimp bbq on sticks and then a soup where they take live fish and drop them into the boiling water and you have to finish cooking it at your table. The fish are these little things with super scary sharp teeth. Everything was really delicious. A couple of the guys staring at us ended up helping us figure out how to eat everything. They brought this big crispy thing to our table, 2 actually. We weren't sure if we eat it plain, or dip, or what... one of the boys came over because we looked confused, took the plate away and returned with a bowl of peanuts. We were like... What the heck? Where did our stuff go? Then he brought the plate back and now it only had one cripsy thing... and he was eating the other. Very strange.

We had a lot of time to kill during the day so we went to the market down the street and bought a few little things and some awesome Ho Chi Minh t-shirts for a couple dollars. Then we ran out of money and had to leave. It also started raining a bit so we were stuck in the hotel room for a while. We could either watch Chinese drama dubbed in Vietnamese, Korean drama dubbed in Vietnamese, Vietnamese drama, in Vietnamese, or Aaron Stone. I guess Kelly is big in Vietnam. I should let him know that. I have to say, it is very awkward watching friends on the screen. It could just be the show is very awkward. Whatever. I wish Steph and Kaity and Kelly had been with me though. Oh man.

Hellos and Chau met up with us for dinner. We went to a place right near the hotel that serves food from the Hue region of Vietnam. It was all so good, of course. Little rice cakes with shrimp served in tiny bowls, shrimp on sugarcane, little wraps, shrimp dumpling things... who knows what it all was but it was all delicious. And this was only dinner part 1. We then went to another location and this is where things got interesting. First the place was packed but still looked a bit sketchy. Who knows how long it will be before I have some disease. Anyway, we ate frog legs (because I mentioned how I caught a frog and Hellos thought it was funny to eat frog for dinner), chicken feet (which I had never tried before, they were fried and so good), and the best part, DUCK TONGUE. Yeah. Duck tongue. It also included some of the throat or something. It looked so weird but it tasted like bbq ribs. Everything was so so so good and pretty spicy. We couldn't drink anything cold because their ice was sketch so we had to painfully drink warm soda to rid us of the burning. Chau had never tried the tongue or frog before so she had an adventure as well.

Then we went to a bar with live music. It was called Acoustic: Emotion Talks. Hahahaha. Live Vietnamese cover bands played all night including one of Hellos' friends who was also in the top 4 for Vietnam Idol. Yeah, we met her. We are legit. We walk in and some little man is singing Linkin Park in a heavy Vietnamese accent. Very funny. But Hellos' friends were both really good. Then the two singers and our group headed over to a pretty hip and expensive bar for a friends birthday. Apparently Hellos knows everyone because everywhere we went he was saying hi to people and they were excited to see him. Someone told us during the night we were with the socialite of HCMC. We then went over to another bar which was more for dancing. Danced a bit and saw some interesting Vietnamese dance moves... nothing like the Taiwanese sexy dance, but close. Hellos' signature move is just washing his body and shaving his arm pits. Yeah.

We ended the night at yet another bar/dance club where some guys bought a bottle of alcohol so we got in free. The boys were all foreigners and smelly. But whatever we got in free. By this time it was late, we were tired, and the whole crew was ready to leave. We met a lot of nice people, again telling us how popular Linh is in the city, and said our goodbyes and left. Now it's time for me to eat breakfast and head to THAILAND. Bye.

Glorious Food

Our dinner consisted of frog legs, chicken feet, and duck tongue... It was all amazing.
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Frog

Oooo I just caught a frog!
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Too Many Speedos

Seriously, boys shouldn't be allowed to wear them. All the Russians here have like 4 different styles and it is disturbing. Oh and a Russian girl about 14 years old keeps walking around with out a bathing suit top. Pedophiles would like it here.

Breakfast at the resort was really good with egg fried rice, steamed buns with pork, congee, and other delicious foods. We decided to check out the little market in the village down the road after we ate. The market was amazing. It was the dirtiest, smelliest shit hole you have ever seen, but it was perfect. No other tourists, so we got a lot of stares. Women were chopping up chunks of meat and fish left and right, flies swirling around, baby turkeys running up and down the aisles of durean and papaya. It was very small and cramped, and I am pretty sure I would have typhoid by now if I hadn't had that vaccination, but I really did love going to it. We bought some fruit that was half the price here versus the city. Hieu from the resort had mentioned some BIG FISH but we only saw little ones. Not sure if we understood him correctly.

We spent the next few hours swimming and playing at the beach. I got badly burned of course. No matter what, my Scottish genes have to emerge in the tropical weather... where the heck did all the Italian in me go? So now I have a bad sunburn AND I am actually bruised from too many massages. I literally am bruised on my arms and legs. Ok, maybe I am just very sore to the touch but I don't want another massage for at least a week. : )

After lunch at the hotel, we took a jeep tour of the sand dunes here. We were planning to just go to the closer red sand dunes but the hotel staff said thewhite dunes that were further away were much prettier, and they were right. Driving out there in the jeep was pretty terrifying, but we made it safely, avoiding cows crossing the road, and the driver's sudden sharp turns to get around slow motorbikes and pedestrians. Only for a moment was I worried that he was driving us to some secluded location to sell us into the Cambodian slave trade. Only for a moment.

We get there and of course a child wanting us to pay him to use sleds approached us. He wanted 50,000 VD and I knew you were only supposed to pay a dollar or two for the sled so we bargained and got our way and then we didn't have any small bills so Alyssa said, It is your lucky day! And gave him 50,000 VD. Annoying. Because then our little 11 year old guide Thien started crying when we were leaving saying something like "Big boy needs money to (big boy referring to himself), that money was for sled not for me" and he literally walked away crying. And since I am a bitch and I know it's all a trick to get us to pay more, I didn't want to give anything, but Alyssa found more money to give him. He said it wasn't enough! Uh yeah this is ridiculous. But Alyssa was afraid he would go back home and be beaten with out any money so she gave him an American dollar and said it was worth sooooo much. Ahaha. Whatever.

But anyway, we did hike up the dunes and go sledding. Sand covered my sunburned legs which was not very pleasant. Sledding down sand is fun until it attacks your eyes and you are left blind. Fortunately we were only left half blind. Some people took ponies up the dunes but I knew better than to get on one of those crazy things. Plus the horse would probably beg for money when you tried to leave. Oh and there was a little monkey chained up to a stall. I had never been that close to a monkey, from what I can recall. It was fascinating but really freaking sad. Monkeys should not be chained! Poor thing.

We stopped at the red dunes on the way back and again were bombarded with money requests. Girls actually just walked up to us and said Money? Money? with nothing to give us in return. It's sad, but it's gotten to the point where I am just annoyed. Vietnam is amazing but everywhere you turn someone is begging for money or wanting you to buy something. And they are very very pushy. Especially the english speaking kids that know how to manipulate your mind and sweet talk. Clever little beggar children.

Dinner tonight was great. Both Kevin and Nhat separately told us to go to Ngoc Suong, a seafood place down the road. We tried last night but ended up at Ngoc Phuong. Same difference? Not really. The Suong one was 100 times better. We got buttered clams, fried prawns with salt and pepper, steamed crab with chili, more morning glory with garlic, and drinks and rice. It was a feast of delicious food for a little over $10. I would pay more at the Olive Garden. Crazy. The Russians eating next to us (literally, they are EVERYWHERE), did not know how to eat crab. It came and the woman was like.... um I am supposed to eat THIS? Can I order something else? What the heck did they think they were ordering? Especially when they asked us what we had ordered and it was a freaking crab. Oh and they showed us the crab before cooking it. What is with Asians and giving a live preview of your dinner? I don't want to become attached to my food, I just want it cooked and to eat it. That's it. I don't want to think of a name... I did think of a name. Connor the crab. Connor tasted great. Especially with the salt, pepper, chili, and lime sauce on the side. I will never eat shellfish with butter again.

Tomorrow morning it is back to Ho Chi Minh for our final night. Then THAILAND. Goodnight.

Harry Potter

I seriously can't wait anymore. The trailers they are showing here are even better than at home.

Oh ginny. What a slut.
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Coconut

I was walking back to my room at the hotel and a man jumped in front of me and started the climbing the tree in front of my door. He climbed all the way up and started knocking on coconuts. He did it all so casually like a monkey. I want to climb a coconut tree and pick coconuts now.
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Duck Fetus

I just like saying that I ate duck fetus.

Woke up and got breakfast at the hotel. We were going to try another place but it was free and we wanted to get to mui ne. Breakfast was actually really good even for a hotel. We obviously got the Vietnamese breakfast which was basically noodles and soup and so very good. The staff was sad to see us go... they love us. I think they just think we are funny/crazy Americans. Literally when we walk into the hotel from a day out, we have to pick up our room key at the front, but they already know our room number and have our key waiting for us. As soon as the bell hops see us coming, they start smiling. One even offered to take us on his scooter to get banh mi. Also, we noticed that having a job in Vietnam is basically like being on vacation. It seems like they all just hang out. Everywhere we go, people are so calm and relaxed.

The Mui Ne drive took almost 5 hours. It poured half the time which worried us, especially because our driver drove like a mad man. Not to be confused with an advertiser in New York in the 60's. He also doesn't speak any English, so getting him to take us to the post office was something of a task, but we made it. There were so many cool cows I wanted to pet outside the car.. but it was raining too much.

So, the resort we are staying at is owned by a friend of a friend of a friend (?) so we get to stay here two nights on the beach for free. Plus, the people here are literally treating us like Ho Chi Jessie and Ho Chi Alyssa. Everytime we say our room number to sign for lunch, opr a drink, or whatever, they hear "640" and they all look at each other and whisper and then look back at us and say"don't worry" and then we don't pay. I wonder who they think we are. It's like a weird mafia connection and I am starting to have a different opinion of Kevin who set this all up. Who is he really? Maybe in Vietnam he is a prince. Probably not.

Basically we had a pretty tough day though. Lounging around the pool, swimming, playing on the beach, collecting cool shells, drinking pina coladas, napping, a $7 full body massage, a seafood dinner…. Life is so hard. All for a couple of dollars.

We also made friends with the staff here. A boy named Hieu offered to show us around the market and show us a BIG FISH. I thought he was saying a fat person or maybe a big cow for a while. Anyway, I think they are fascinated by us. They all just stare at us. While we ate lunch, they literally watched us, silently. Then we went swimming, and more were watching us. Either it’s a mafia thing or they have never seen a white girl before. Oh except that’s totally not true because for some reason Russians flock to this place. The menu is in English, Vietnamese and Russian. What the hell? And everywhere we look, there are Russians. We are probably the only non-Russians in this place other than the staff. The boys are so so ugly too. One looked JUST like the vampire from Buffy who worshipped the “master”. So creepy and unfortunate looking.

The massage was amazing tonight. I felt weird because the girl doing it is only 22. She looked about 10 though so I walked in feeling very uncomfortable like I was supporting underage slave labor. But she reassured me she was of age and fully willing to rub my body with oil.

Now it’s time to head back to the room and relax some more. Ugh, why me?